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Dancing with Pee

Thursday, February 21, 2008

12:13AM - this is the better way?

Is there better transit in other huge cities across the world? I really want to know

I'm so fed up with the ttc I don't want to leave the house. Should it take me an hour to get from my house in parkdale to harbourfront centre? I feel used! I 100% rely on the ttc. They have the upper hand. They can take my money and completely fuck with my life. I feel so unbelievably powerless. I know that it will never get better. This city is built for rich people and there are more lower to middle class people then there are rich. I know what I'm writting has been written before. I know that the majority of the people who take the ttc hate it. I hate that the TTC spends money on a new fucking ugly museum station; which is for tourists that will bring lots of money to the city. I know the vicious f'n cycle! I know because, I think about Museum Station every time I am on the Dufferin Bus and there aren't any seats and everyone is flying all over the bus. Or they can't get up the steps because it is so packed. Or you've completely missed it because you weren't fast enough and three buses at the same time go by, but it doesn't matter because they were all packed anyway. I know that I will eventually become complacent and give up. I know the important people at TTC know this. They just win because they don't give a shit. Its not about getting us home safer, or even at all..

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

4:31PM

i am watching oprah's favourite things.. she just gave a way a fridge with a television in it..because she is oprah and she can do anything.. i love watching housewives go crazy...

Sunday, November 18, 2007

9:13PM - the hell begins

my vagina is very itchy and this is how the story starts. I want to see my bestfriend in the hospital, but i have a soar throat. So, on a sunday I go to the walk in clinic. I waited for a half hour till I realized that my health card has expired. How do I get this fixed? Well, I have to go to an office on bay street during weekday hours to update it. No problem! I was still on little sleep and feeling overwhelmed so I thought I would take myself to H&M and buy myself something. Well, the santa claus parade was ending and every single person from the GTA was in the Eaton Center. Hell!! I bought something nice and then fled the scene. To make it through Christmas hell with an itchy vagina and throat I imagined myself on Queen West at the Java House. I hopped on the Queen street car. I zoned the children out and looked out at queen street and only saw the devastating site that was left behind. Garbage everywhere. The nuclear family loves santa and hates our planet.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

2:04PM

Living in the moment...i have done this really well lately. I've been open honest vulnerable and let myself go. I don't have regrets. I am on the verge of happiness and success. Living outside the norm and being myself will get me far and will make me happy.

see what heternormativity does to us:
- it makes us super-human- like we need to be perfect for one another. Like we need to be perfect human beings. We are not perfect. We cannot guarentee perfection in one another.
- guilt- this is what we feel when we cannot live up to one anothers expectations. For example, doing something because it feels right in the moment. This moment is real..this is what is real. Real is happening right now. The future is an expectation that holds us down and can potentially ruin the moment.
spiritual- is being honest with yourself. Its living in the moment and connecting with one another. Its letting go of your ego. Its loving.
gender- is a part of our spirit. It feels good. It should be equal. Not superior.
Power- the relationship between people is fraught. Once we let go of power-relations between gender, I believe we can all heal.


I am perfectly capable of being with someone and not feeling anything. However, the day I go into something without feeling complete excitement is the day I lose a very important strong part of myself.

I guess I'm hurt because he projected a lot of how he was feeling on me. I think its because he was scared and made me out to be the attached one. It went way to fast. Most importantly he doesn't want to lead me on.

Feminism shouldn't feel threatening. Independant women are not threatening, maybe challenging, but certaintly not threatening.

Love, sex, love, sex, love,sex- guess what ...these two things shouldn't be seen as seperate. they exist because of each other. They cause each other and it shouldn't matter which one comes first.


Sprituality- i love people because I chose to love people. I believe that there is some connection beyond our control and understanding. I may not practise a religion, but I certainly make choices on my own out of my own free will. I'm a decent human being that goes into relationships with my eyes open. I'm careful not to hurt anyone. I experience it and put in my best intentions and effort. I'm young, but I know the difference between right and wrong. I know that my decisions affect people. I'm also very forgiving and don't live with anger.

i know people are not perfect
I know they hurt one another without meaning too..
i know that emotions are not weak, but they just exist. they don't make up a 'gender', my goodness try proving that in other countries..
i feel because i'm human...its called compassion..

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

7:59PM

jon almost broke his nose


and i feel bad for him

Sunday, May 27, 2007

10:43AM

i need a place to stay for a week starting june 3rd...

can anyone help?


i left my phone in TO with all my phone numbers..

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

10:14PM

so,....i haven't wrote an emotional journal in a really long time..

i feel used......fuck you!!...fuck!!!
thats right. fuck you!

well ....you are right you could have let i


i have finished university and I feel lost and very very scared


cuplings..

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

11:58PM

dear john and maddy

where the heck are you...i posted on both of your facebooks

i need your numbers again...because i'm on to phone number three!! ya thats right!

Sunday, March 25, 2007

9:05PM

watching billy ray on dancing with the stars is amazing

wow...i love television!

Friday, February 23, 2007

12:22AM

sick soooooo very very sick

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

4:00AM

I've been so crazy lately that I can't even write about it because I feel so damn crazy. Like,,everything is changing this year..why didn't this happen in high school? I'm boring myself.Like, completely boring myself. I need a hobby (ewwwwwwwww I hate that word). I'm dating my I-pod. It's just always there for me to tune the world out. Fuck, I need other interests. I can't start and finish anything. I want to write more about me, but I just get bored with it. I can't even fill out my facebook profile.
I'm actually completely turned off by the dating process. or the flirting process. So, I have only a few crushes all of which are on Grey's Anatomy. I haven't felt excited for someone in a long time...except for the irish boy which only lasted about a day.
I'm borderline hypocondriac...which pretty much means that I'm living through a tv show..greys anatomy.
I don't want to have sex with random guys anymore..I'm reading a lot on queer theory...and it is making me annoyed with heterosexism. I want my next guy to be able to sign a 'privelege-contract"...that identifies that he has power and privelge. I'm sick of the guys that are either okay with feminism, or make the uncomfertable jokes...However, sometimes I feel like I just want to fuck. Most of the time lately..I feel completely un-interested in sex..or the need to be with someone..so why even bother writing this.


anyways

i made banana chocolate chip muffins for some of my classmates tomorrow.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

1:04PM

miranda................had a baby girl

a very pretty baby girl!!!!!!!!

Monday, January 8, 2007

11:24PM

home...

and a little scared and excited

Sunday, December 31, 2006

3:09PM - this is going to be gushy (i fell in love for a day)

I've been pretty negative about dating for the past two months.

So, I met the absolute perfect man. Very Very good looking. I don't even know if I can really give this enough justice.

He looks a little bit like the cute rock star on Almost Famous and the Bad guy in mission impossible two. Dark brown shaggy hair and blue eyes. Tall, and a bit of muscle. And a nice guy and a bad ass.

He made me feel the way Mc Dreamy makes me feel except he was for real. He gave the same looks as Mc Dreamy.

I met him at a bar and he was sitting with two older scottish men from Glasgow who watch Coronation Street. His friends helped me with the grieving process (mike just died and he has been on the show for over thirty years).

He took me home and I decided that I wasn't going to be like I usually am and I didn't sleep with him. I told him I just wanted to go to bed. He went to work in the morning. I got up at 8 am and looked out the window and there was a Tim Hortons and a Michael's crafts store....so perfect. I went over got a coffee and knitting stuff. I came back and he was home. I told him that I knit. He told me that he crouchets so he taught me how to crouchet. I showed him how to knit. He then taught me how to play Chess with the chess board that he built. He taught me how to Waltz and Two-step. We took a shower..and then.. we spent the rest of the day in bed. he took me out for dinner. he took me to work. Now I'm never going to see him again. He is going to banff for three days,....cuba for a week..and Dublin for the next four years.

and he is seriously funny. I like to make really awkward jokes..and he took it..and gave the jokes back.

my mum told me to drop out and go to Ireland...I can't...stupid school
life goes on

i do have his email..
so what should i write?

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

6:49PM - this year i'm going to try on the positive thing..

i miss catherine

, but i don't know whether to call her again. i already talked to her two nights a go. i don't want her to think i'm needy?? (her phone is busy,,,its probably a good thing)

someone from high school passed away. i didn't really know him. i knew of him, but i feel sad for his friends and family. I probably had a crush on him at some point

i have a sorta plan for the summer (vote on an option)

learn to fly fish in a really small town in Canada
go to south korea
go to scotland
stay in toronto
go to kenya

year goals:
to control the need to trip couples,
to stop faking it,


so i got the second season of greys anatomy from my mum's new love and it made me miss john and maddy. oh, and my sister watched it with me and said no wonder i'm so emotionally screwed up.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

3:35PM

so um i'm starting to miss my friends

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

1:02AM

I thought that watching 'the holiday' would cheer me up, but it didn't. I want to go to england..and I want Jude Law to knock on my door. But instead of having sex with him I want to yell at him for being slimmy and slam the door in his face and liberate myself from romance.

the whole movie i was thinking man i need to blog about this later. yep i pretty much think in 'blog', but then when i get to the computer i draw a blank. i get to exhausted with all of my thoughts.

toronto lindsay...thinks too much, talks a lot..political and emotional

edmonton lindsay...in a complete daze..quiet..vacant...bored..

i did have great sex

Tuesday, December 5, 2006

9:25PM - i want a lot of responses to this entry..like everyone that reads this

I need to know what makes a good drama queen???

or what makes you a drama queen?

Sunday, December 3, 2006

8:52PM - everyone needs space to be cranky and to listen to justin timberlake

I am sooo cranky right now..

i just need space to be cranky
and to not feel bad about it


so get out of my way

i find the job of 'people pleaser' to really suck..it makes me crazy

i hate this mood

Monday, November 20, 2006

11:13AM

this is the kinda shit some of us heterosexual women and friends are sending each other..and this is suppose to be funny

i don't want to wake up beside a man who doesn't remember that we had sex last night. I especially don't want him to forget if it was terrible...he needs to know that he did nothing for me.

How does this warn women to not have bad sex?
am i missing something
this kinda shit does not help more or women... I'm sure that my male friends feel like shit when they read this shit as well..


>> >>>BE CAREFUL TO OPEN IN PRIVATE!!!!!!!!!!!

>> >>>ADULT SEX QUIZ
>> >>>I DIDN'T WANT TO RISK NOT SENDING THIS AS
>> >>>YOU WILL SEE AT THE BOTTOM
>> >>>
>> >>>Q.) What doesn't belong in this list:
>>Meat, Eggs,
>> >>>
>> >>>Wife, Blowjob?
>> >>>A.) Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife,but
>> >>>you can't beat a blowjob.
>> >>>
>> >>>Q.) Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
>> >>>
>> >>>A.) So men can be open minded.
>> >>>
>> >>>Q.) What's the speed limit of sex?
>> >>>A.) 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.
>> >>>
>> >>>Q.) What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
>> >>>A.) The longer you play with them, the harder
>> >>>they get.
>> >>>
>> >>>Q.) What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick?
>> >>>A.) You don't have to beg your wife to blow
>> >>>your paycheck!
>> >>>
>> >>>Q.) Three
>> >>>words to ruin a man's ego...
>> >>>A.) "Is it
>>in?"
>> >>>
>> >>>Q.) What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and
>> >>>the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
>> >>>A.) A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.
>> >>>
>> >>>Q.) How can you tell when an auto mechanic just
>> >>>had sex?
>> >>>A.) One of his fingers is clean.
>> >>>
>> >>>Q.) What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
>> >>>A.) Melt them down make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
>> >>>
>> >>>Q.) What does bungee jumping and hookers have
>> >>>in common?
>> >>>A.) They both cost a hundred bucks and if the
>> >>>rubber breaks, you're screwed.
>> >>>****************
>> >>>Send This To 3 People You Know,
>> >>>Or You'll Have Bad Sex For The Rest Of Your Life....
>> >>>
>> >>>I sent it to more. Didn't
>>want to miss out.

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